Food Storage

Tonight as I went to make a nice Sunday dinner of turkey breast, stuffing, etc., I pulled out my bag of Costco potatoes- only to discover, like my favorite childhood book of old- Bunnicula, someone had drained the potatoes of all of there liquid leaving them brown and misshapen (and, while not completely inedible, nothing that you'd want to peel for dinner). Those of you that know and love me realize that there isn't a meal on earth that cannot be improved with potatoes- especially my Labor Day tribute to Thanksgiving. Needless to say, I was ready to scratch the entire meal and make spaghetti instead, but then, Jackie reminded me we had, in our food storage, potato pearls!! Even better than instant, these potatoes are made in a cannery for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints- and even contain artificial butter flavoring. So I took my one cup pearls (which looked a lot like the potato version of Dippin' Dots ice cream) and slowly stirred in 2 cups hot water. I stirred and stirred, but nothing resembling any mashed potatoes I've ever had appeared. I even pulled out the electric mixer- which proceeded to give the mashed potatoes the consistency of cream cheese frosting. Our 3-year old Millie (who HATES potatoes) tried a sample and declared they were "gross baby-food". I added more potato pearls to thicken and achieved a consistency similar to Kentucky Fried Chicken mashed potatoes. Covered with a lot a lot of gravy, you could fool yourself a little- but me and the 1-year olf were the only people that ate them.

Needless to say, I learned my lesson. I shall save our food storage (which currently consists of Vitamin Water, Diet Coke, potato pearls, hot coco, lots of Kelloggs cereal, strawberry Pop-Tarts, corn and kidney beans) for when the earthquake arrives- and I will eat them the way God intended: in a cup, with a spoon, like Dippin' Dots.

Things I Never Pictured Myself Saying or Doing 10 Years Ago

1- Holding my 3-year old daughter on the potty for 45 minutes while she screams and yells "My Bum!" after she'd pooped her pants in nursery.

2- Going to bed at 8:30pm on a Friday night because nothing good was on TV (and I would have been too tired to watch it anyway).

3- Using the songs in Mary Poppins as a reward to the 3-year old after she poops in the potty (after pooping on the floor IN FRONT of the potty first).

4- Going to the Lagoon amusement park and standing in line- and then squeezing my butt into the children's swing ride (and holding my feet up in the air as the ride twirls around to avoid losing a toe, and then realizing I am the only male on this particular ride over the age of 4).

5- Yelling to my wife that the 1 year old daughter has pooped three times in one hour- and then looking down while holding her to find she has just peed all over me and the floor- and is quite pleased with herself about it.

6- Telling my 3-year old while reading the children's Book of Mormon "Tree of Life" story that the fruit was so white and sweet because it was filled with vanilla ice cream- and that little girls who go poop in the potty can eat this yummy fruit.

Back to School

I've been back to school for 3 days, but it feels like longer because we have no air conditioning in the building. The Main Office doesn't turn on any lights (I think there are two reasons for this- 1- to keep it cool. 2- to hide from parents. They also have enough fans whirring (which, as one secretary puts it, helps regulate the hot flashes) around that when you're talking on the phone in there, it sounds like you're on the tarmac with a jet engine.

The room where I teach Film Studies always has only run two temperatures- the bowels of hell and meat locker. I prefer meat locker so the kids stay awake while watching the comedic stylings of Buster Keaton- but if the heat keeps up like it has been, I'll be taking them outside and teaching them primitive film making by having them make shadow puppets on the side of the school.

On a somewhat unrelated item, I love receiving my new school supplies. I like freshly opened packages of Post-its, dry erase markers, erasers and I like putting up new bulletin boards (even better is having drama officers putting up new bulletin boards). I like putting up the calendar for the month and unpacking new scripts for our library. I like opening media center catalogues and looking for a new book cart (now available in 7 colors!) and I like trying to figure out how to get a substitute teacher on the new district sub website. I love the beginning of school (until the first auditions happen and dreams are crushed, never to be revived again). Happy 2008-2009 school year!

End of Summer Daze

Things I'll remember about Summer 2008:

*The dessert buffet at the Grand America Hotel summer dinner. Jackie and I got to eat what the pastry chef called "The Dessert of the Year 1996"- it was vanilla bean custard over which was placed a domed vanilla/orange cake drizzled with melted chocolate. I don't know what about the dessert screamed "1996", but that was a yummy year. It also inspired us to find the desserts of 97-08. That will be Jackie's new quest (now that she's finished her vampire book). I'll also remember the other guests looking on in amazement as I constantly swatted 4 bees that brazenly kept landing on our food. We were moved inside (where Marie Osmond and her son were shortly seated near us). I also enjoyed my mandarin orange lemonade.

* Millie screaming for her life whenever a fly gets near her in her bedroom.

* Favorite films: American Teen, The Dark Knight, The Counterfeiters, Iron Man, and Mamma Mia!

* White water rafting with Jackie's family in Jackson Hole (and, because I was in the back, not really getting all that wet).

*The gourmet chocolate shop in Jackson Hole where the chef had attitude- but the skills to back it up- which also leads to the quote of the summer "Giada Delaurentis has the palate of a goat."

*Favorite DVD's (when Netflix is actually working...): Madmen Season 1, HBO John Adams, Persepolis, 51 Birch Street and, I'm sure when they arrive, The Wire Season 5 and Entourage.

*Millie screaming for her life whenever a fly gets near her in the bathroom.

*Our summer of French films: Into Great Silence, Merry Christmas, Terror's Advocate, To Be and to Have, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, La Vie en Rose, and Vitus (although this movie's technically Swiss... close enough).

*Tommy Burgers in Provo with the girls.

*Swimming at the Lehi pool.

*Millie screaming for her life whenever a fly gets near her in the Lehi pool.

*Driving my parents minivan in Jackson Hole. Ellis vomiting in my parents minivan on the border of Utah and Idaho.

*Getting really expensive ice cream with Jackie and my dad after seeing The Drowsy Chaperone with him in Salt Lake.

*Jackie's parents nearly getting kicked out of Hale Center Theatre because I gave them our comp tickets for The Curious Savage.

*Countless trips to Maverik and Sonic for Diet Coke to keep the missus happy.

*Millie not sleeping at Grandma and Grandpa's house after they got new carpet.

*Listening to Coldplay's Viva La Vida in NYC, Jackson Hole and everywhere in between.

*The cool slide at the Jackson Hole pool (and the changing rooms get a thumbs down- both men's and women's showers open up for the world to see as you go to the pool).

*Surviving 6 weeks of teaching Hale Center Theatre summer camp- and not once seriously burning myself with the hot glue gun.

*Going to NYC with 62 other really fun people (including Jackie's parents, my aunt, uncle and cousins, fellow faculty and staff from Riverton High)

*Going to Jackson Hole/Star Valley Wyoming with really fun people (including Ray & Renae, the Tan Fam, the Hicks fam, the Pun fam, and the "abandoned for Comic-Con" Bryan Summers fam).

*Millie screaming and kicking my seat seat violently whenever a fly got in the car.

Goodbye summer! See you next year!!