You Know the Musical You're Directing is About to Open When...

• You wake up at 5:00am not being able to get Master of the House off of rotation in your head. The only song that will bump it is Don't Be Tardy for the Party from The Real Housewives Atlanta.


• Your 2 and 4 year old dance around the house (and probably Primary) also singing Master of the House. I think they only know that phrase... so far...


• You spend 2 hours trying to find a short and long haired wig that's the EXACT SAME COLOR- you order it and spend a lot of money having it overnighted- then you find out it's on back order. You then spend another 2 hours trying to find 2 other wigs- get them ordered- only to find out they won't arrive until after opening night. You decide to weave 2 wigs by hand from the hair you have pulled out of your own head.


• You get an anonymous letter from a parent (forwarded to you from the principal) that is furious because you made a sick student come to rehearsal (a lead that had to sing/mouth her words for the first time with the orchestra pit) for 30 minutes (and you made sure she touched and spoke to no-one)- and it turns out she's sick from being lactose intolerant. The letter states that the principal should "deal with me".


• You have to speak to 3 different boys about the importance of wearing deodorant (their poor dance partners came up and begged me to do it. I have no qualms about it. I love giving the deodorant/antiperspirant talk).


• You realize you just spent 10 minutes talking about microphone packs with the girls in the cast and you've said the words "bra straps" about 15 times.


• You have to remind everyone that wearing underwear is not "optional" for this production (or any other at Riverton High School).


• You spend 30 minutes adjusting corpses on the barricade for optimal effect. You also have to make 2 boys hold their breath for 8 seconds when their faces pass in front of the fog machine.


• You have to explain to administration that if the fire alarm goes off, it's probably because of the aforementioned fog machine.


• That if the halls around the auditorium spell funny, it's because the haze machine you rented had fluid in it from a Halloween party at the E Center that wasn't flushed out yet. Or it's the boys not wearing deodorant.