If Life Were Like the Musical CATS

If life were like the musical Cats the following would be considered quite normal:

• When you die (or get reincarnated) you would ascend to the heavens on a large tire.
  
• You would be rude and shun the elderly woman in your neighborhood until they belt a high F. Then you would be best of friends and hope that you could ride that tire with them.
  
• When you portray the Siamese, you would use the same accent that Mickey Rooney uses in Breakfast at Tiffany's.


• Your dances under the moon would be more like the Jane Fonda high impact aerobics tape (as opposed to the low impact where you get to sit in a chair).


• Wealthy fat people would wear spats and sit on custom made top hats (large enough to support their weight).
  
• Perky girls named Jennie-Any-Dots would teach neighborhood pests (children?) how to tap dance.
  
• Leaping, jeteing, stag leaps and high kicks would be all you would need to greet the neighbors. If you had no legs, you would be put down out of your misery (go get the tire!)


• If you are naughty (like Macavity), you could kidnap someone- but a magician (like Mr. Mistoffalies) would make them reappear. The naughty person would fake his own electrocution (but probably live to kidnap another day).