Dear Audience Members

Dear Audience Members of High School Theatre:

First, thank you for attending our productions. We love that you come to see your friends and family members. Here is just a few words of advice to make the experience more pleasant for all involved:

1- We believe that $7 and $8 tickets are not unreasonable prices for a school musical. To sigh loudly and turn to your companion and debate the worthiness of the production (when your own family member is in it) holds up the line for everyone. When you ask me if the production is worth it, I WILL ALWAYS SAY YES- even if the show is a steaming pile of poo- which our shows are not. A freaking movie with people you don't even know costs more than it does to see your own flesh and blood in a show.

2- If you have a huge family and ask nicely for a discount of some sort, I am inclined to give one. When you come up and demand a family rate NOW, I will not discount anything for you.

3- If the show starts at 7:00pm and you come in at 8:00pm, I will still sell you a ticket for full price and not feel the least bit bad about it. I will also be watching to make sure you do not slip in at intermission.

SPECIAL NOTES FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL MATINEE ATTENDEES

1- Teachers and students- you are fantastic. We fully realize that when one of our male actors removes his shirt during the production that you will hoot and holler for 5 minutes. That is ok. We also realize that when two characters kiss it will blow your pubescent minds for a bit- so much that you have to vocalize. We have no problem with this at all. It is the parent chaperones I would like to address:

(All of these are based on letters sent to me and my principal over the past week--all from parents who attended our middle school matinee- this was the show South Pacific. Note: only one letter was received on our production of Les Miserables- and it was on how sad that we could not do the student version of the show. We did do the student version).

* When a character is drinking (brandy, beer, etc.) on stage, we are not actually having them drink alcohol. Most likely it is watered down Diet Pepsi. Caffeine Free. When characters are drinking out of bottle, they are always IBC Root Beer bottles.

* No one showed their underwear on stage. The Polynesian costumes were school appropriate and based on real island wear from the 40's.

* When two characters kiss, the lights go out, come back on and they are seated on the front of the stage, it shows a passage of time. It is your own dirty mind that infers that they had sex. Plus, you were surrounded by 900 8th and 9th graders that were hooting and hollering.

* It is not immoral to have a male character remove his shirt. He's on a freakin island in the south pacific. He is still a good person that can make good choices.

* The message of the show South Pacific is about tolerance and prejudice, not advocating pre-martial sex. If it makes you feel better, the character that commits premarital sex dies shortly thereafter.

* The phrase Stingy Bastard- while not a polite phrase- is the phrase in the script and in the book. We made sure the actress was comfortable saying the phrase- and it's the American soldiers that teach it to her. I don't suggest running around saying it all the time, but it is a great phrase to use when you are stuck in traffic.

* If our play was rated like a film (which is still subjective), our production would have been PG. Not PG-13 (based on current rating standards), certainly not even close to an R and going to a X rating is a bit extreme for one guy without a shirt, kissing and 3 uses of the phrase Stingy Bastard. Thank you. Next time, let your student come and you stay home.