Skin Deep

So Jackie and I made a friendly visit to our local dermatologist on Tuesday. Note to self: do not schedule a duo appointment during the girls nap time. This may result in you having to take both girls into the men's bathroom to change Ellis while Millie thinks the urinal is a futuristic drinking fountain.

After having my moles checked and getting cream to rub on various pieces of skin, I asked the doctor about a random piece of skin that appeared on my thigh one day. I called it my "nubbin" or I guess, like a James Bond villain, it was my third nipple (just located far away). The doc told me he could remove it in 5 seconds, but because it was considered a cosmetic surgery, it wouldn't be covered by insurance and cost $80. So, he told me how to operate on myself. I am going to pass along this $80 information to you so that you can remove any unwanted skin.

Step #1: Numb the area with ice for 90 seconds.

Step #2: Have cuticle scissors, nasal spray, q-tips and a band aid nearby.

Step #3: After icing, cut the skin off with the cuticle scissors and quickly apply nasal spray to the q-tip and hold over open wound.

Step #4: Have Jackie pound on the door saying, "You shouldn't be performing surgery on yourself!! Let me do it. Those had better not be my good cuticle scissors!"

Step #5: Flush excised skin down the toilet (along with bloody toilet paper).

Step #6: Slap band aid on wound. It doesn't really hurt- just kind of stings from the nasal spray.

Final Step: Pray you don't have to go for stitches and try to explain to the doctor why there is an open wound on your thigh covered with nasal spray.