Beautiful Video

Thought of You from Ryan Woodward on Vimeo.

Watch this beautiful video- choreographed by my friend Kori Wakamatsu and danced by two of my former MDT students at Riverton High, Shellie Telford and Michael Milkanin- both now MDT majors at BYU.

I Swear...

I don't swear very often. Sometimes in school when I'm at my wits end (usually with someone in stage crew) or sometimes a well placed swear in rehearsal will get the attention of the cast (along with the throwing of a chair). But, I know for a fact, that, at least at my school, I do not swear as much as the athletic dept. coaches (and certainly not as much as our choral program. Our choir teacher is like a sailor*).

The point is, swearing doesn't really offend me, and though I don't do it often (Jackie wins that award in our house), when I do it, I like to make it count. Here are my preferred variations of swearing (usually when I'm alone in the car).

The following work with any profanity you can think of (although they are not always grammatically correct):

****apalooza

****nation jingle himer schmit

****me up and call me Shirley

****zacrackin

****zapoppin

****me and everyone I've met

What in the**** is going on

Crock ****ing Good

It's kind of like mad-libs, but if you're going to swear, be creative!

*she is not like a sailor. She's in the Morman Tabernacle Choir and I've yet to hear her swear. But it's funny imagining it. It's even more funny imagining our previous choir teacher Leanna Wilmore doing it as well.

Black Friday

So last Thursday night, Jackie and I decided to brave the crowds at Walmart at midnight in Brigham City. We arrived around 11:45pm. I was on assignment to get some $1.97 DVD's for my brother Tim (he wanted the Bourne trilogy) and we were going to look for some presents for the girls.

After wandering around a bit (no cart for us), I hung around electronics (with 1000's of others) while Jackie staked out toys. Around midnight, there was honest to goodness shrieking (the same sound I would imagine that starts human sacrifice) as Walmart employees began opening their palates of stuff. Jackie scored a Zhu-Zhu pet- but it was at the risk of life and limb. Try as I might, I could not get into the aisles with the DVD's (Walmart intentionally put the DVD palates in narrow aisles so you had to maneuver for them). When I finally got there, I could only get the Bourne Ultimatum for Tim (but I could have gotten him every season of Sex and the City). I tried to get to the Wii games, but by the time I got there, there wasn't anything I wanted (because people were carrying them away by the 20's- I don't even think they stopped to look at titles). I did score a $10 Toy Story 3 DVD (which I was very proud of) and Jackie got a Snuggie for Millie and some games for Ellis.

After the madness, the real Christmas joy began. We stood in line for about an hour to get $47 worth of stuff. Thinking back on it, I should have gone up and gotten some magazines to read in line, but I didn't.

After Walmart I had contemplated going to Kohls for their 3:00am opening- but decided it wasn't worth it. Give me my Amazon and Costco and my shopping will be done without super long lines.

Christmas Gifts

I rarely write Christmas lists- and for the most part, I ignore other people's lists as well. I want to surprise people with stuff they didn't even know they wanted.
Yesterday, Jackie made up her Christmas wish list
* A suitcase
* The book, A Guide to Humanistic Studies in Aging: What does it mean to grow old?

* The book, The Creative Age: Awakening Human Potential in the 2nd Half of Life

This is it.

No gloves, chocolates, massage oil, gift certificates or music.

2 hardcover books on aging and the arts and a suitcase.

The gauntlet has been thrown down.

To delve into the tricky mind that is Jackie and find out what she wants- when she doesn't even know that she wants it.

Dear Audience Members

Dear Audience Members of High School Theatre:

First, thank you for attending our productions. We love that you come to see your friends and family members. Here is just a few words of advice to make the experience more pleasant for all involved:

1- We believe that $7 and $8 tickets are not unreasonable prices for a school musical. To sigh loudly and turn to your companion and debate the worthiness of the production (when your own family member is in it) holds up the line for everyone. When you ask me if the production is worth it, I WILL ALWAYS SAY YES- even if the show is a steaming pile of poo- which our shows are not. A freaking movie with people you don't even know costs more than it does to see your own flesh and blood in a show.

2- If you have a huge family and ask nicely for a discount of some sort, I am inclined to give one. When you come up and demand a family rate NOW, I will not discount anything for you.

3- If the show starts at 7:00pm and you come in at 8:00pm, I will still sell you a ticket for full price and not feel the least bit bad about it. I will also be watching to make sure you do not slip in at intermission.

SPECIAL NOTES FOR MIDDLE SCHOOL MATINEE ATTENDEES

1- Teachers and students- you are fantastic. We fully realize that when one of our male actors removes his shirt during the production that you will hoot and holler for 5 minutes. That is ok. We also realize that when two characters kiss it will blow your pubescent minds for a bit- so much that you have to vocalize. We have no problem with this at all. It is the parent chaperones I would like to address:

(All of these are based on letters sent to me and my principal over the past week--all from parents who attended our middle school matinee- this was the show South Pacific. Note: only one letter was received on our production of Les Miserables- and it was on how sad that we could not do the student version of the show. We did do the student version).

* When a character is drinking (brandy, beer, etc.) on stage, we are not actually having them drink alcohol. Most likely it is watered down Diet Pepsi. Caffeine Free. When characters are drinking out of bottle, they are always IBC Root Beer bottles.

* No one showed their underwear on stage. The Polynesian costumes were school appropriate and based on real island wear from the 40's.

* When two characters kiss, the lights go out, come back on and they are seated on the front of the stage, it shows a passage of time. It is your own dirty mind that infers that they had sex. Plus, you were surrounded by 900 8th and 9th graders that were hooting and hollering.

* It is not immoral to have a male character remove his shirt. He's on a freakin island in the south pacific. He is still a good person that can make good choices.

* The message of the show South Pacific is about tolerance and prejudice, not advocating pre-martial sex. If it makes you feel better, the character that commits premarital sex dies shortly thereafter.

* The phrase Stingy Bastard- while not a polite phrase- is the phrase in the script and in the book. We made sure the actress was comfortable saying the phrase- and it's the American soldiers that teach it to her. I don't suggest running around saying it all the time, but it is a great phrase to use when you are stuck in traffic.

* If our play was rated like a film (which is still subjective), our production would have been PG. Not PG-13 (based on current rating standards), certainly not even close to an R and going to a X rating is a bit extreme for one guy without a shirt, kissing and 3 uses of the phrase Stingy Bastard. Thank you. Next time, let your student come and you stay home.

High School Musical

If you live in the state of Utah, over the first 3 weeks of November, you could see over 50 different high school musicals. We all do them around the same time of year. Our district alone is doing Brigadoon (played the Daddy in this show my junior year. Loved pulling out the huge medical dictionary as the "family bible", finding the most hideous pictures possible (a tie between a distended gonad and a goiter on someones neck the size of a football) to have Daniel Babcock sign his name on because he was marrying my daughter), West Side Story, My Fair Lady, Guys and Dolls and our production of South Pacific. These 5 high schools are also all within 15 miles of each other.

Also going around the state is the Utah premiere of Andrew Lloyd Webber's The Phantom of the Opera, Cinderella, 42nd Street, Titanic, and about 44 others.

Why go and spend your hard earned $8.00 ($7.00 if you're a elementary, middle or high school student) to see a falling chandelier, tap numbers, princesses in gigantic pumpkins or sinking ships when you can come and see South Pacific at Riverton High School this upcoming Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday nights at 7:00pm?

You'll hear Some Enchanted Evening (a lot- when Rodgers found a good tune, you'll hear it enough times in the show that you will need a lobotomy to remove it), Bali Hai, Honey Bun and all those other great songs. Also, we hired ScentEvents (a company in Los Angeles that works with hotels and the movie business) to custom make us some fragrances that the audience will smell at certain points in the show. It's kinda cool.

So join me at Riverton High to see this great show- and if you're not sold on the Rodger's and Hammerstein classic, we are selling there amazing cookies:

They make these in Pleasant Grove and sell them all over the world (for a lot of money- Larry H. Miller movies sell them for $4.00! We're selling them for $2.00). Each cookie is huge AND the bottom is dipped in chocolate. So come have some cookies and Wash that Man Right Outta Your Hair this next weekend.

The October that Was

October has flown by-looking back, here is what I recall:

1st week: Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City. My King Lear ensemble does great (even though one of the judges proclaimed it melodramatic- it was the blinding of Glouchester). We take 3rd in a really competitive division. I have a tech theatre student take 1st in costuming and an acting student take 1st in monologues (winning her a $1000 acting scholarship to SUU). Our dancers also did great taking 2nd in ensemble and 3rd in duos.

Highlights of the trip: The Pastry Pub for dinner-one of my actors vomiting after eating a gas station hot dog- one of the dancers vomiting (multiple times- but she did not eat a gas station hot dog)- seeing Pericles- seeing Greater Tuna (and having my male students proclaim it as the best play of all time)- watching The Office on the way down.

2nd week: Buying 5 10 foot long sheets of Styrofoam to make our sand bar for South Pacific. Picking them up at this amazing warehouse (it was like the Willy Wonka of Styrofoam. They had a 9 foot high champagne bottle and table and chairs made out of the stuff). It was hilarious because we had no rope to tie everything down (it was windy and we didn't want 50 feet of Styrofoam blowing down the road) so we found some rope (homeless person rope is what my students called it) on the Trax rails and tied it up. Fall Break- celebrate by taking the girls to Witch-A-Pa-Looza and Thanksgiving Point. Jackie and I celebrate by seeing The Social Network and eat at The Copper Onion. The food was great (but I vomited later that night. Not sure if related...)

3rd week: Went to The Drowsy Chaperone at Hale (really good)- visited my dad in ICU (huge heart attack but he managed to avoid bypass surgery)- tripped over one my my dad's many tubes sticking out of his body (almost causing brand new bypass surgery)- made dad laugh (not good when hooked up to many tubes)- 3 days later, watched them move my dad to another room (he's out of the hospital resting comfortably- well, as comfortably as you can with my mom cooking meals without salt, fat, dairy or anything good)- set up a doctor's appointment (at Jackie's insistence) to get heart and cholesterol checked- eat at In-&-Out for dinner after appointment is made- played for Primary Program (big hit with Jackie on microphone duty).

4th week: Take students to see Dracula at Pioneer Theatre Company (students were thrilled when blood got on their shoes and program...)- got a big chunk of the set painted- took girls to ward Halloween Party (Ellis got sick and we left early)- trick-or-treated Sat. night in the rain with the girls- watched The Shield Season 7.

We're excited to see The Color Purple Broadway musical coming to Salt Lake City Nov. 17th. If anyone is interested in going, I have 4 tickets left ($50 each- 8th, 9th, 10th row orchestra on the right). Happy November.