Things I Never Pictured Myself Saying or Doing 10 Years Ago

1- Holding my 3-year old daughter on the potty for 45 minutes while she screams and yells "My Bum!" after she'd pooped her pants in nursery.

2- Going to bed at 8:30pm on a Friday night because nothing good was on TV (and I would have been too tired to watch it anyway).

3- Using the songs in Mary Poppins as a reward to the 3-year old after she poops in the potty (after pooping on the floor IN FRONT of the potty first).

4- Going to the Lagoon amusement park and standing in line- and then squeezing my butt into the children's swing ride (and holding my feet up in the air as the ride twirls around to avoid losing a toe, and then realizing I am the only male on this particular ride over the age of 4).

5- Yelling to my wife that the 1 year old daughter has pooped three times in one hour- and then looking down while holding her to find she has just peed all over me and the floor- and is quite pleased with herself about it.

6- Telling my 3-year old while reading the children's Book of Mormon "Tree of Life" story that the fruit was so white and sweet because it was filled with vanilla ice cream- and that little girls who go poop in the potty can eat this yummy fruit.